Paul Gadzikowski
scarfman@iglou.com
The Return of Archy the Cockroach
Cheese
boss I was in the mc d waste
bin yesterday
you know
that s where they toss the
pre prepared sandwiches
that have become unsalable
because they re five
minutes old
the mcdonald s waste bin
is corporate america s
single greatest
gift to verminkind
i must write ray
kroc a note
anyway
i m in the waste
bin and this guy brings
his order back
to the counter
i ordered plain cheeseburgers
and these don t have any cheese
says he
well they re plain
says the countergirl
for a few seconds this
guy doesn t say anything
then
a cheeseburger has
cheese on it
says he
by definition
says he
a plain cheeseburger
is not a burger without
cheese
says he
what then would
constitute a plain
hamburger
asks he
a bun with
nothing
on it
asks he
i ve been ordering
plain cheeseburgers
all my life
says he
i ve been ordering them
here
at this counter
for four years
says he
quote plain
cheeseburger unquote
doesn t mean a
burger with no cheese
says he
when i pay the higher
price listed on the menu
for cheeseburgers
i expect there to be cheese
on my burgers
says he
and i certainly don t
expect to have to
argue about it with
someone employed
in a
customer service position
says he
this guy needs a life
thought i
but the countergirl
threw his first order
into the waste bin
and he was right
for cheeseburgers
they were remarkably
free of cheese
archy
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